Trying to jump back into dating after a long term relationship is not an easy task to take on. Especially when it feels like you’re about to dive face first into a never ending black hole full of “what the fuck’s”… It’s scary to say the least, and you never know when you’ll finally stumble upon something good, or just more darkness.
Being in a relationship for nearly six years really threw off my game. Never knowing the right thing to do or say with these complete strangers. Was I supposed to be my dorky, sarcastic self, or pretend to be all polite and shy? It’s as if we don’t have enough going on in our lives to stress us out that now we have to worry about this too.
Am I dressed right? Is this shirt too revealing? Do I have something in my teeth? Why isn’t he looking me in the eye!? My shirt is definitely too revealing. All questions that never seem to stop.
Jumping back into the game of it all was not easy. I call it a game because that is exactly what it is. Dating has become an utter joke. Between all these stupid apps that literally have the EXACT same people on them; the new texting etiquette of not replying for hours but never actually calling each other; and talking to like 10 people at once because nobody is exclusive anymore which just ends in ghosting (what the fuck is that by the way?) if done wrong. Ugh, it’s exhausting.
People stopped just going out and meeting strangers, exchanging numbers or emails and going from there. It is all done online now. If you’re not on an App and getting random dick pics, are you really in a relationship? Think about how sad that is.
A week after moving back home, an old friend had found out I was newly single and asked me out for dinner. What could go wrong? I already knew him and didn’t have to resort to online Apps to meet him… He’s been into me for a while, and actually made the effort to stalk me enough to ask me out 4 days post breakup. It was an easy way to get back into dating and I really needed the distraction.
Getting out of my disgusting over warn PJs felt great, and I was finally feeling something other than sadness. Looking good really does make you feel good. Having a man’s mouth drop when he sees you feels even better. Single life was starting to look good, and I was ready to enjoy myself.
The date went as well as it could have. He was watching sports on the TV behind me, and I accidentally finished a bottle of wine on my own and found absolutely EVERYTHING he said while looking past me to be hilarious. This is when the game had begun. It was no longer easy – I had to work for his attention, and a few weeks later found out I had competition in the game too.
When we finally drove up to my house he leaned in and kissed me. Big, wet, juicy, moan filled (from him not me) kiss. That was the exact second I knew I jumped back into the game way to soon. Not only was I wasted and thinking about my ex, comparing everything to my first kiss with him, I actually let out a laugh… In the poor mans mouth. Not one of my finest moments…
You can imagine, a week later he told me he was seeing someone else this whole time and wanted to see where things were going to go with her. I don’t blame him – I laughed at him and lost to the competition but I didn’t mind it at all. I was a player in a much bigger game and I really needed to learn the rules now.
Key advice to anyone going through a break up. Don’t rush into dating again until you are ready for it. The game is brutal – and though you can meet the perfect guy within an hour of your breakup, a lot of the time you will need to kiss a few toads first.
Take your time and enjoy working on yourself first – you WONT regret it.
It was after my brutal fail of a date that I realized I needed to step back a bit. I wasn’t ready for the game and really needed to focus on myself for once. Do what made me happy- on my own and with my girls. Boys were my last priority, at least for a bit.
It wasn’t until another drunken night a few months later at a family wedding, where I found myself up against a glass wall in a parking-lot making out with an old friend (not thinking of my ex this time at all! #winning) that I knew I was ready to start kissing some toads again until I found my prince charming.
Hooking up with a total stranger (or in my case an old friend) will do one of two things. 1. Make you realize you’re ready to date again because A. you are no longer totally pinning over your ex, or B. having someone that all over you is beyond empowering and you miss it! Or 2. Make you realize you need to stop getting drunk and kissing people.
Today marks the six months of my newly single life. It’s true what they say – time heals all. Though I’m still not completely over my past; I do know that I need to move on – and I am slowly becoming ready to. I think that’s the key to playing this whole game… Being ready for it all and what it actually means.
I’ve met some really interesting guys throughout all of this. Some dates fun, some so awful they make for the best breakfast stories with the girls. Dating is definitely an on-going game, but I’m enjoying the ride of it – no pun intended.
Mr. Right, where are you?